I heard an add a while back and it stuck with me … the interesting of it is that it started with something I can’t remember, and then something I do remember so well “but the most important words are the ones we tell ourselves” and some more I can’t remember … I believe it only stuck with me what was important to me.
The most important words are the ones we tell ourselves, constantly, quietly in our mind, or out loud in the discussions with others, when we remember stories, when we talk about our day, without even realizing, without paying attention.
I am looking at the words I use and my clients use because it is a very important part of my coaching habits and it became my nature to challenge the words I hear from myself and from others, especially when we are talking about ourselves. Maybe that’s why those words I heard in an add are still clear as day in my mind.
Let’s start with a simple example. At the end of the work day, after spending a lot of time in meetings, organizing your work, doing actual work, one might feel a bit different than they felt in the morning. One could assume they might feel a bit tired. I am sure you had a day or so like this. Some days at the and of the work day you might feel a bit tired and some other days you are still full of energy and ready to start a new activity, maybe still eager to learn something new, maybe eager to start cleaning, cooking, going out with friends etc.
Let’s consider one of the “tired” days, when that feeling of tired happens around 6PM. It is too early to go to sleep maybe and you just spend the rest of the day saying to yourself you are not in the mood for that or the other because you are tired. You might not even be aware you are using this word or that you even have a conversation with yourself but you spend the remaining of the day on the couch watching easy movies or scrolling up and down on your social media accounts, acting as being tired.
What if you weren’t actually tired and just something triggered you at work or generally during the day and the tired you feel is just something else? Then you will end up falling asleep later that night and wake up with the same feeling of “tired”. And this might actually be because you kept repeating to yourself you are tired. Day after day, year after year, repeating to yourself you are tired even when the feeling is completely different but it just feels like low energy mode.
Now there are times when we are actually tired and it is ok to accept we need to rest, instead of powering through just for the sake of not feeling tired. Denying how we feel or replacing our thoughts with the positive opposite like I am full of energy even when I feel I can’t read another page or walk another step, this is not a solution either.
But what if tired is not how you feel and by repeating this to yourself it stops you from looking a bit deeper within you and figuring out what you actually feel? I had this happen to me numerous times and very few of them I was actually tired, most often than not, I was either feeling fear, frustration, anger, lack of motivation and the list can go on. Basically all of these might make you in no mood to do anything else and you might miss some activities or opportunities you might enjoy, anything that brings value or joy to your life.
This tired is just an example, a light one I might add. But how about when we talk about ourselves and consider we cannot achieve what we desire – like anything I want will fall apart, or I cannot keep a relationship, or I cannot keep a job, or I cannot be good enough, I cannot be thin enough, and of course, the list can continue without an end.
What are the things you tell to yourself which keep you from reaching your highest potential? From making your dreams come true?
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